My Life Motto

I Get Knocked Down...But I Get Up Again...

Ahh...Where to begin. I'm realizing the longer I go without posting, the harder it is to catch everyone up :( The last two weeks have been disastrous for me. It started with Ethan (my 5 yr old) waking up one morning with yellow pus running out of his left ear. I panicked and called the doctor to make a same day appointment for him. As were sitting around waiting for it to be time to leave, Sienna (22mth old) comes up to me holding her leg out saying oww. There is a tennis ball size lump on her inner thigh and it's bright red and hot to the touch. I immediately called the doc back to arrange for her to be seen too. Turns out Ethan had a ruptured ear drum and Sienna was having an allergic reaction to a bug bite. End result of the doc appointment was antibiotics for both..Ethan 3 times a day and Sienna twice a day. Yeah, it will be no problem penciling that into my busy schedule. GRR. Fast forward 7 days and I get a phone call that my Grandmother passed away. Although we were semi prepared, I was devastated. She was so important to me.... I still can't really believe she's gone. Worse was... I couldn't go home to NJ to say my final goodbyes. Granted, she would not have wanted me to leave my kids and go there, I still feel pretty terrible about it. Fast forward a few more days to this past Sunday (the day I would have returned home VERY late had I gone to NJ) Ethan wakes up with yellow pus running out of his right ear (the good ear) WTF!!! Off to the ER we go and I'm told that now both ear drums are ruptured and that the antibiotics he was on aren't working (no shit!) and he is getting super strong ear drops and needs to see his regular doctor to talk about a possible surgery consult for tubes. Sigh.... As horrible as it was, I realized that had I gone to NJ, Ethan would have suffered all day with that poor ear because in my sorrow, I wouldn't have thought to get a power of attorney for the friend who had offered to watch the kids to take him to the doctor (bad mom). So...even though it was terrible, I felt like it was Grandma's way of letting me know I had made the right choice and that I should have peace with it. I guess what all of this boils down to is, I knew this deployment would be hard, and I knew I would have to face challenges, but these past 2 weeks have been absolute hell and I wasn't prepared for it. But I'm strong...I have to be... There is more to this story unfortunately, but I'm tired and don't have the desire or the energy to finish...Check back on Friday...I will hopefully have some answers from Ethan's follow up doc appt and maybe...just maybe...I'll be able to stomach telling the missing piece of this disaster story...Maybe

Would You Like Soy Sauce With That ?

So... Shirl (my oldest) had the day off of work today and decided to take Michael and Ethan to the lake, which left just me and the twins for dinner tonight. After a lot of debating, I decided to give the twins the leftover pasta in the fridge and treat myself to a sushi delivery. Now... everyone in my house knows better then to try to eat in front of the twins (they had already finished their dinner by the time my sushi arrived) so since I know better as well, I set up some peanut butter Ritz crackers on the table that they could just walk over and grab as I was eating. So I sat down to eat, feeling pretty pleased with my preemptive snack prep for the babies and proceeded to open my containers. Just as I took the lid off of my container of soy sauce, Gavin comes running over to see what I have. As he reaches the table he gets so excited over the crackers I had set out for him that he throws the golf ball sized bouncy ball he was holding and yup... you guessed it...it landed directly in the soy sauce! There was soy sauce EVERYWHERE!!! It splattered on not one but two walls, two framed pictures, my diaper bag and the kitchen table! It was absolutely unreal! So much for trying to treat myself to a nice dinner lol. Instead I got to treat myself to scrubbing the walls...

Busted...

So my hubby read my Motivation Found post :( Crazy because not only does he not know that I have a blog, chances are he doesn't even know what a blog is! He happened upon it because I put a link to the post on a good friends FB page, and by doing so it showed up in his news feed and he clicked on it. It was strange for me that he all of the sudden had this knowledge of my feelings that I hadn't intended to share. What was even stranger is that I was willing to share those feelings with anyone in the world who has access to an Internet connection and a desire to read my posts, but found myself mortified that my husband, my best friend  had read it. I'm not really sure why I felt that way...but I did. I must say, I am blessed to have the most caring, loving and amazing husband in the entire world (I'm not just saying that because he might stumble upon my blog again, it really is true) he was incredibly supportive of my feelings and offered numerous words of encouragement for me and my weight loss journey. But even with all of that, I for some reason still feel a little strange (not quite the word I'm looking for but it will have to do) about him reading the post. And truthfully, I feel a little scared too. I talked a lot of crap in that post, and now that he saw it, I have no choice but to follow through. I guess now my motivation really has been found!

Motivation Found !

So... during this deployment I have made a promise to myself. I have vowed to lose weight and get in shape...for real this time. I need to lose about 100lbs (yikes!) and I have joined Weight Watchers, got myself a gym membership and have enlisted the help of an extremely expensive personal trainer. I have to admit that in the last 6 weeks since doing all of this, that I haven't really given it my all. I'm not really sure why, but weight loss has always been extremely hard for me to commit to. This lack of commitment on my part is hard for me to understand, lord knows I'm miserable in my own skin. But today something happened to kick my butt into gear. Mike's boss periodically posts pictures of Mike on Facebook for me (my husband is VERY computer illiterate) and the picture he posted today has me running full speed to the gym! Mike has been going to the gym everyday since being deployed (there isn't much else to do out there) and I was shocked at what I saw. Here he is:

What!!!! This is not the body my husband was sporting when he left 7 weeks ago!!! Don't get me wrong, he has aways been fit, but now he's REALLY fit!!! I almost died when I saw this!!! All I kept thinking was I CAN NOT look this way when he gets home!!! I have to fix this immediately! I'll be honest, I was also hating him just a little bit for being able to transform like that in such a short period of time. I kinda wanted to throw myself on the floor and have a full blown tantrum... one so big it would even leave the twins in awe of my tantrum throwing capabilities! But... I guess I'm probably to old to be doing that so... instead I'm going to finish up pouring my heart out publicly, lace up my gym shoes and go see Kimmie (my trainer) and ask her work the hell out of me today! And Mike...if you see this...You look amazing, but it's on!!!!! I'm going to bring it with all I've got and the next time you see me, it will be you staring in shock wondering how such an enormous change came to be!!!

Deployment Through The Eyes Of A Civilian

The day my husband left for Afghanistan, a friend of mines sister in law who is a photographer offered to come along and take some pictures for us. After the fact she posted on Facebook about her experience of sharing those extremely personal moments with my family. This is what she had to say:

January Shiflett

Yes really... There is part of our epic journey to Kansas that I actually did not share, believe it or not. And yes there were pictures... Not that I will ever share them- they aren't mine, and honestly- I am ashamed that I didn't have my gear for an event that was so worthy of better photography.


I was honored to document a soldier deploying to Afghanistan. There was no big pomp-and-circumstance to the affair... A 4:30am wake-up to be able to meet a 6:00am "report time". And then... just a few soldiers and their families gathering together in a parking lot on a base. There were lots of swollen eyes, and chubby little fingers that appeared to be clinging to his "multi-cams" (camo-pants to the rest of us) a little more tightly than normal. I felt like an awkward voyeur in an intensely personal, private, intimate, and weirdly "official" feeling event.
I held the Army-wife's point and shoot, and did the best I could with a camera I knew nothing about... What was important to capture? What would I want images of, if I were her? And all that was in my brain was *thank god I am not her... No way in hell could I muster this level of grace, love, sacrifice, bravery, or fortitude.*

Carl (my Sister-In-Laws husband) told me just to expect a bunch of "hurry up and wait". I was a bit perturbed by his vague-ness when I was trying to prepare for what to expect. But, he prepared me perfectly... No one really knew what to expect or really what was going on in the next ten minutes. It was just a bunch of...well... Hurry Up and Wait.
Other soldiers passed by in the parking lot- "heading out?" "yep." "godspeed" or "taking off?", "yep", "take care- see you soon". It was strange... This everyday back-and-forth. But then again- i guess this was an everyday experience on base.

Just not to a civilian like me.

After 4 hours or so, the soldier said it was time for his family to "ske-daddle". I heard "see you after work" numerous times... I am sure the phrase is an inside joke/term of endearment. And then there was a wife... just broken. She was missing her soldier- while he was still in her arms. It was something I will never forget, and hope I never do. It bruised my heart to watch... And the amateurish shots I got did it no justice. But honestly- I don't think my pro-gear would have been able to truly capture the intensity of it all either. He apologized to me for the length of time everything took (are you kidding? 4hrs on US soil compared to 9 months in a combat zone?!)
After that... He went to work. She headed toward her car with a tearful girlfriends arm slung around her. She thanked me for attending. I wanted to say something profound or re-assuring. All I could muster up was "no, thank-you".

And that was all.

I didn't post about it last week. I really don't know why. But I have thought about this woman, her husband, and their children everyday since. Usually about 10am or so- the time he "went to work".

My dear sister-in-law will be going through the same thing, on the same base in about two weeks or so. She got his deployment date today... I guess that is what pushed me to share my experience. I won't be with her... But I am pretty sure that the aforementioned army-wife will do a damn better job comforting her than I could ever wish to do anyway.
I really don't have a point to all of this, other than to share a piece of the un-seen, the very un-glamorous, and the un-sung heroes that are right here on US soil.

The wives and their children.

When you say a prayer for the safety of our troops (like dear Mike or Carl), remember to give thanks for the women and children that stay behind... They are the ones that truly "support our troops" and make it so they can "go to work".

My Life On Display

     Ahh... Where to begin... I am married to a soldier, we have five children to include 21 month old boy/girl twins, he is currently deployed to Afghanistan and before you get your hopes up... no my life is NOT like the show! I hate when people ask me that... I mean REALLY hate it! My life is hectic, hard, crazy, stressful and sometimes utterly insane, but that's life for a true Army Wife.
     Since I'm clearing things up from the start, I'll touch on the next hated question. The inevitable "How do you do it" question. I hate this question for two reasons, one is... Does the person asking the question really believe I have another option? How would I NOT do it? What would that entail? Would I just pack up and run away from home and not come back until my husband retires? I do it the same way everyone in the world lives their lives... I wake up everyday and just do it.
     The second reason I hate this question is because I feel that the asker of the question is looking for some amazing and profound response from me, and that no matter how I answer I'm going to somehow disappoint them. I don't live this life because of some strong sense of patriotism or an undying love for my country, I live this life because I love my husband more than anything in the world and this just happens to be his chosen profession. If you really love someone should their job be a deal breaker just because it makes life hard sometimes? I mean I guess if he were a drug smuggler or a male prostitute than that would be a deal breaker (although I think those people deserve love to, just not from me) but he's not, he's an American Soldier and I'm very proud of that. Don't get me wrong, I do love my country, it's just that that didn't play a role in my deciding to marry a soldier.
     So, since I hate the show Army Wives and love sharing my stories of craziness (normally via Facebook) I've decided to take the advice of my friends and blog away. So if your like me and enjoy looking through the window into a life that's not your own, then tune in and hold on tight because it doesn't get much more entertaining then Army life, deployment, five kids and twins... I promise you'll not only be entertained, but you will also be regularly thanking God that it's me and not you! :D