The day my husband left for Afghanistan, a friend of mines sister in law who is a photographer offered to come along and take some pictures for us. After the fact she posted on Facebook about her experience of sharing those extremely personal moments with my family. This is what she had to say:
January Shiflett
Yes really... There is part of our epic journey to Kansas that I actually did not share, believe it or not. And yes there were pictures... Not that I will ever share them- they aren't mine, and honestly- I am ashamed that I didn't have my gear for an event that was so worthy of better photography.
I was honored to document a soldier deploying to Afghanistan. There was no big pomp-and-circumstance to the affair... A 4:30am wake-up to be able to meet a 6:00am "report time". And then... just a few soldiers and their families gathering together in a parking lot on a base. There were lots of swollen eyes, and chubby little fingers that appeared to be clinging to his "multi-cams" (camo-pants to the rest of us) a little more tightly than normal. I felt like an awkward voyeur in an intensely personal, private, intimate, and weirdly "official" feeling event.
I held the Army-wife's point and shoot, and did the best I could with a camera I knew nothing about... What was important to capture? What would I want images of, if I were her? And all that was in my brain was *thank god I am not her... No way in hell could I muster this level of grace, love, sacrifice, bravery, or fortitude.*
Carl (my Sister-In-Laws husband) told me just to expect a bunch of "hurry up and wait". I was a bit perturbed by his vague-ness when I was trying to prepare for what to expect. But, he prepared me perfectly... No one really knew what to expect or really what was going on in the next ten minutes. It was just a bunch of...well... Hurry Up and Wait.
Other soldiers passed by in the parking lot- "heading out?" "yep." "godspeed" or "taking off?", "yep", "take care- see you soon". It was strange... This everyday back-and-forth. But then again- i guess this was an everyday experience on base.
Just not to a civilian like me.
After 4 hours or so, the soldier said it was time for his family to "ske-daddle". I heard "see you after work" numerous times... I am sure the phrase is an inside joke/term of endearment. And then there was a wife... just broken. She was missing her soldier- while he was still in her arms. It was something I will never forget, and hope I never do. It bruised my heart to watch... And the amateurish shots I got did it no justice. But honestly- I don't think my pro-gear would have been able to truly capture the intensity of it all either. He apologized to me for the length of time everything took (are you kidding? 4hrs on US soil compared to 9 months in a combat zone?!)
After that... He went to work. She headed toward her car with a tearful girlfriends arm slung around her. She thanked me for attending. I wanted to say something profound or re-assuring. All I could muster up was "no, thank-you".
And that was all.
I didn't post about it last week. I really don't know why. But I have thought about this woman, her husband, and their children everyday since. Usually about 10am or so- the time he "went to work".
My dear sister-in-law will be going through the same thing, on the same base in about two weeks or so. She got his deployment date today... I guess that is what pushed me to share my experience. I won't be with her... But I am pretty sure that the aforementioned army-wife will do a damn better job comforting her than I could ever wish to do anyway.
I really don't have a point to all of this, other than to share a piece of the un-seen, the very un-glamorous, and the un-sung heroes that are right here on US soil.
The wives and their children.
When you say a prayer for the safety of our troops (like dear Mike or Carl), remember to give thanks for the women and children that stay behind... They are the ones that truly "support our troops" and make it so they can "go to work".
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